


Solitude

by lafolliadamore



Series: Femslash Feb 2019 [2]
Category: Xenoblade Chronicles 2 (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Pining, one-sided
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-04 15:03:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17900378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lafolliadamore/pseuds/lafolliadamore
Summary: Had she always looked this way? Why? Why did she have this face, this body?





	Solitude

Taking on Lady Lora’s appearance was, in hindsight, not the best idea--if such a thing could be said to be an idea, if such a thing could be willfully executed by a blade. Haze did not remember a time before Lora, did not know if there  _ was  _ a time before Lora. Had she always looked this way? Why? Why did she have this face, this body? Functionally Lora’s twin. Lora, who would laugh about them sharing the same dress size. Haze would lean in, grab her arm, smile. She loved Lady Lora. They were close. They were close. You could see that in their faces, their bodies. They were close.

 

She was alone.

 

Lora was out on a mission with Jin. They didn’t need her. Jin’s presence was more than enough. Lora didn’t think they’d take enough damage to require a healer, nor did she think any blades would be around that needed to be restrained. “We’ll be back before you know it,” Lora said with a smile, and for that moment Haze felt peace, reassurance, confidence; then Lora turned away and she felt the way she always did: secondary and alone. 

 

Was it true that they were close? It felt that way when they fought. It felt that way in the few times Lora chose to spend time with her rather than Jin; but most of her time was spent running errands or waiting for Lora to return from journeying with Jin. If she had existed before she bonded with Lora, was this what she had yearned for? Solitude? 

 

Maybe taking on the appearance of her driver was just within her nature. The Haze that existed before did not look like the Haze that existed now, and when Lora died and she returned to her core the Haze that would come after would not look like Lora’s Haze. Who would she bond with after Lora? How would they treat her? Would they take her mimicry of their appearance for granted, a sign that they shouldn’t bother growing closer to her? After all, she looked just like them. She was already in the palm of their hands. She would always be loyal no matter how many times she was left alone because her loyalty was written into her face.

 

No. 

 

That wasn’t fair to Lady Lora. Haze couldn’t deny the acuteness of her solitude, but it wasn’t fair to think of Lora like that. The simple truth was that if she wanted to spend more time with Lora, she would have to let her feelings known; but the notion of letting Lora know the fullest extent of her feelings was… 

 

...what  _ were  _ her feelings for Lady Lora?

 

She did love her, yes. It was in a blade’s very nature to love their driver, but her love for Lady Lora felt… Like when she heard men wax poetic about women. Not the vile ones who took their women for granted, but the ones who really  _ loved _ …

 

... _ loved _ ?

 

When she walks into the room, the whole world brightens. When she leaves, it is dark. She is always in mind from the start of day to the end of the night. Just being with her, seeing her… it’s enough. It was Haze’s duty to protect Lora, yes, but sometimes, often, she wished… She wished she wasn’t that to Lora. She wished she was just someone who could spend time with Lora. Walk hand in hand with Lora. Lay down with--

 

Haze buried her head in her hands, not out of guilt but shock.  _ Lay down with _ ? It wasn’t… It wasn’t  _ unheard of  _ for drivers to do that with their blades, and Haze very much assumed Lora would want to do that with Jin (if she hadn’t already), but would she want to do that...with  _ her _ ? Her twin? It was… 

 

She wished she could go back in time, speak to the Haze in the crystal waiting to awe her driver with such a stunning display of fondness, and tell her not to do it. It wouldn’t work. All that would do was force her into a life of staring in the mirror pining for the face that stared back. Nobody would ever love their twin like that. She was stupid for making herself look this way. She was stupid for feeling about Lady Lora this way. She--

 

The door swung open. Jin stalked in first, unreadable as usual. Behind him breezed in Lora, face flushed from the mercenary work and walk home, but smiling ear to ear. “Haze, we’re home!” she said, and in the light of the face she loved so much, Haze forgot all her troubles.


End file.
